Have you ever felt how you are being compared to someone who is better than you? Have you ever felt the humiliation once you're own father starts comparing you to his friend's son who has contributed more than you? Have you ever felt that deep-shit feeling that all you can say is that "Sorry, eto lang kaya ng anak mo".
Lately, I had. Now, I'm totally pissed off.
With this, all of your movements are monitored. Every mistakes you've done is like the end of the world. All your accomplishments meanwhile, goes unnoticed. For every thing that i enjoyed doing, there's a corresponding reaction. For every thing that helped me at least remove stress from my everyday busy work has a price and that is negative remarks. Things such as basketball,gym,night outs, these things that i must be allowed to do given my age yet i felt like a little child trying to ask for permission to do so.
Let's face the fact that I'm getting older. These stuffs are once suited for younger age. Besides, at my age, my goals are different compared before. Expanding business and my horizons as well are my primary concerns. But for the love of God, can't i take a break for just a single fucking day?!
Focus on business, this is what my father always tell me and this is what I'm currently doing yet for once, taking a rest is a sin. Watching basketball on a given night is a sin. Having a night-out for a single night a week is a sin, this is not even on a weekly basis. "Wala kwenta ginagawa mo. Mag hanap ka ng supplier sa gabi." This is the line that has been going through my head every time i do somethings that would release my tension.
Even God rested on the 7th day He created the Earth. Yet, I'm not God nor even religious and yet he expects me to work. Superman has his kryptonite and I'm not Superman. I get fucking tired too.
Which led me dating back September 2010 when I blogged I hoped I'm not a Chinese. Now, I'm reviving it all again. How I wished I was not born a Chinese, born as the only son which led to ultimate pressure. Fuck those Chinese beliefs that says Chinese son, especially only son must continue their family's legacy. I've lost a lot, thanks to these stupid traditions, yet here i am, doing everything just to make my family proud of me yet it's not enough.
Now, I'm tired.
To this son of my father's friend who thinks he is way better than anyone, i leave this one simple message. I'll be better than you. For a guy who kept on trying to pry clients away from us, believe me, I'll be way better than you. You're facing a very confident man and you've faced the wrong guy.
I've been the blacksheep of the family for the past 3 years. At first, i regret making those mistakes. Now? I can't blame myself for doing so. Frustrations and anger has finally lit up my emotional side knowing I've done a pretty solid job at our business. I know I've given my best yet the best isn't good enough. If adding 3 or more major client to the business in just a single year is not enough, than what is the definition of enough? I'm doing what a traditional Chinese son, yet my reward is criticism.
Fucked up, pissed off, what ever you want to call it. Michael Kent has enough.
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